Why?

I’ve been struggling with this simple question for awhile now. Why me? Why didn’t God just heal me? Is He ignoring the prayers of hundreds of people? What kind of God allows His people to suffer anyway?

The thing I hate most now is becoming a burden. Even after the difficult recovery, I still do not have good kidneys. Living with dialysis is hard enough. Now we add heart surgery? At what point do I just give up? Now that I have no urine output, 10 days is all it takes to move on and not be a burden anymore. I’ve thought about this more than once. 🙁

So what do I do now? I’ve always worked since high school and to have months of disability ahead is scary. Lots of physical therapy ahead and hopefully plenty of healing. I do think that my mind needs more healing than my body so I have to figure that out first and find meaning in the midst of all this suffering.