Anxiety, Round 2

After getting better for a few weeks, I think my anxiety levels are rising again. During the first few weeks of heart bypass surgery recovery, when I was basically stuck on the recliner downstairs, my anxiety levels were pretty high. I couldn’t go anywhere and really didn’t know what was happening with recovery and transplant. As time went by, I became more mobile but also got answers from most of my doctors. I felt more in charge, even though I really wasn’t, but that helped my anxiety a lot. I knew what I had to do to become active on the transplant list again.

During the past few days, I noticed I was getting more anxious again, and not sleeping as well. This week and next week are pretty busy, full of appointments and prep for surgery. I started cardiac rehab, which is the one thing UCLA needed to put me back on the transplant list, but the endodontist and vascular surgery appointments may prevent me from attending for a few weeks. Also, I was supposed to go back to work on 1/31. That date was always there but far enough away to ignore. Now that my surgery is scheduled for the same day, I need to figure out how to take another week off, plus worry about what I’m going to do when I’m back at work.

These aren’t big issues compared to the heart bypass surgery but a lot of small worries is wearing me out. I just want to wake up 5-6 months from now with a “new” kidney, and all this as a fading memory.