If it seems I’m whining and complaining in every post, it’s the main reason I started this blog: to vent anonymously about my terrible life. Well, I went back and read some of my posts from earlier and things have gotten better, relatively. A sampling:
- Why? (11/18/2019): Staying in the hospital is lonely and really bad for your mental health. The heart surgery and switch back to hemodialysis happened so fast that before I knew it, I had a huge scar in my chest, and plus another catheter. I just said yes to everyone and everything. In hindsight, I didn’t have much of a choice but not having time to process until afterwards was tough.
- Pain, Part II (11/20/2019): This was when I was still in the hospital, a day before discharge. I couldn’t sleep on my back the night before due to chest pains so I ended sleeping while sitting upright. Terrible.
- Low BP (12/4/2019): Ha! Low blood pressure. How quaint. After weeks of 200/120 readings, the time when my blood pressure was low seems so long ago. I also had major edema in my legs from the extra saline they pumped in me to keep my blood pressure from dropping too low post-surgery.
- Struggling (12/13/2019): This seems like a general complaint post. I probably just started climbing stairs and sleeping in my bed instead of in the family room recliner. This was before I bought the adjustable bed so getting in and out of bed was a challenge, as well as finding a good position for sleep.
- Fluid Restrictions (12/13/2019): Early during my return to hemodialysis, I knew it would be harder than previously. I got used to drinking whatever while on peritoneal dialysis since I could pull a lot more water out each night. With basically zero urine output this time, fluid restrictions would be very important. I thought I was going to die of thirst if I can only have < one liter of fluid each day. Fortunately, it’s been mostly okay. Initially I was cheating by using leftover PD solution to get some extra UF, but I haven’t done that in weeks and I am able to keep my weight gain to < two kg between dialysis sessions. For example, I only gained 0.7 kg vs. Tuesday even though I ate an entire Boiling Point hot pot yesterday.
- Another ER Visit (12/14/2019): Ugh. I think this was a bad panic attack I had during dialysis and I ended up in the ER. I remember being in despair thinking about the months or years of dialysis ahead of me. It’s six weeks later and I still hate dialysis but no more panic attacks.
- Another Week (12/21/2019): I think that week I was only getting about an hour or two of sleep each night. I may also have had my panic attack when I had to get out of the house, though it was 11:00 pm and raining outside.
Most things are definitely better than those first few weeks after surgery. I can eat most of the time, sleep is marginally better, and I’m mobile, both walking and driving. Going back to work will add a bit more feeling of normality. It’s hard to see the improvements daily since it’s so incremental, but writing down events and feelings here allows me to go back and reflect and appreciate the difference.
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Crap! The patient next to me has become unresponsive. His blood pressure has been really low all session. There are now four nurses and a few techs working on him.
Okay, he just woke up. I think the nurses are very relived. The tech thought they may need to call 911 and nobody wants that.
Life with chronic diseases 