Tomorrow I turn 52. If you asked me what life would be like in my 50’s when I was much younger, I would have never come up with this scenario. I never ate healthy or got enough exercise but I didn’t have any major health issues when I was younger. I know it’s a results of years of neglect but if feels like all these health issues hit me within the last five years.
When you say the number 52, I immediately think of a deck of cards. Not counting Jokers, there are 52 playing cards in a standard deck made up of four suites. Different articles have different explanations on the meaning of card suites:
| Suite | Definition | Age Range |
| Hearts | Childhood; Love | 1-13 |
| Clubs | Youth; Education | 14-26 |
| Diamonds | Mid-life; Money | 27-39 |
| Spades | Old-age; Death | 40-52 |
I mean 52 is not really old age. In the US, you don’t get a senior citizen discount until you turn 55. But since being on dialysis and looking at all the morbid statistics, it does feel like I’m in the end stage of my life. I’m trying to knock down each health issue as they come up but I get the feeling that I may be overwhelmed soon.
Anyway, if you look at the age ranges, it kind of fits my life until now. It probably easy to split anyone’s life into four periods, but humor me.
Hearts (1-13): This is the period up through middle school. I basically didn’t know anything and just followed my parents around. I was born in Asia but by age 13, was living in Canada.
Clubs (14-26): Education is right. I spent a lot of time in college and finally graduated when I was 27, so close enough. I wasn’t very social in college so it was like hiding out before entering the “real world.”
Diamonds (27-39): I probably made a lot of mistakes during this period but decisions here laid the foundation for the rest of my career. Also got married (31) and divorced (38) during this time. I didn’t think so at the time, but more and more I feel that life has been an empty shell post-divorce. Which leads us to…
Spades (40-52): Looking back, this period was mainly about trying to adapt post-divorce and now, not dying. Even though people keep saying that I’m still “young”, I feel terribly old. There’s also the persistent feeling that I’ve already lived my life, even though I didn’t accomplish anything big, and there not much left.
Usually people have three areas of concern in their life: health, relationships, and finances. I never had any real issues with finances: didn’t have a lot of money but always had enough to live on. The other two areas are a mess though. The health part we all know about.Post-divorce, I had two relationships. Again hindsight is 20/20; both were not right for me and failed. Now I’m too sick and tired to pursue any relationships. Just thinking about all the time and effort I spent dating and getting married the first time tires me out.
So what now? There are no more cards in a deck after 52 unless you count Jokers. Maybe I’m on borrowed time. In the 1920’s, average life expectancy in the Americas was still in the low 50’s. How did people plan their life accordingly? Nowadays, people talk about a “bucket list” of things to do during retirement (I guess before you “kick the bucket”). Sigh… if I was only so optimistic.
Life with chronic diseases 