Empty Chairs

My sister’s mother-in-law was visiting a few weeks ago, and all of us gathered at my parents’ new place. They have a grassy area outside their house, and we decided to take some family photos. We basically set up two lawn chairs and had different groups of people sit/stand for photos.

I took this photo on my iPhone while they were taking pictures elsewhere. I did not think much about it at the time, but now it reminds me that my parents are eighty-one years old, and they will not live forever. Since our family moved quite often when we were young, we are still very close; I even lived with my parents for the past twelve years. Because we were always near each other, I have not really thought about life after my parents pass away.

I do not think I am very emotional, but I also have not experienced much loss or grief in my life. That was likely why I was devastated when my ex-wife left me after seven years of marriage. She was my first girlfriend and my first breakup. I thought I would just take it in stride, but that did not happen. Instead, I was depressed for years, and it is still affecting me today. That is why I am uncertain how I will react when my parents leave. For many years, while I was on dialysis, I also thought I was going to die before my parents, so I still need to unwind and deal with those thoughts too.