More Depression

It is getting worse.

This week has been particularly challenging. In addition to my ever-changing eyesight, I felt very alone. I feel stupid saying that since it was a busy week socially: I went into the office three times instead of my usual two, had eye surgery, went to two doctor office visits, ate lunch on Saturday with some old church friends, played mahjong and ate dinner with family, and attended church this morning. That is much more human contact than my typical week.

The current sermon series is called Life Together, and today’s sermon title was Together with God. In week three, the topic will be about family since it is Thanksgiving weekend, and I know it is going to suck for me. Just being at church was depressing for me since 99% of the congregation were couples. I know young single people usually come to later services, but it was very noticeable. This is nothing new, but it hit me hard this morning.

Just now, I went to Costco to buy some random stuff. On the way home, I burst into tears for about five minutes. This was not a few tears rolling down, but full-on hyperventilating bawling. Several times I thought I was going to crash my car, but I did not really care. I mentioned all my issues in the last post, but I do not know what the trigger was today. I have not cried like that since I had to tell my family about my divorce.

I need to find a therapist. 😢

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I told Alexa that “I am going crazy” and it suggested I talk to a friend or call the national crisis line at 1-800-273-8255.