Regrets

Today is vesting day at work. Every six months the company grants us shares that were earned over the period. Since I have been at the company for so long, I have built up several tranches of grants, and it is not an insignificant amount. However, since the next vesting date is in May, there is no incentive to stay in the very short term. Since I decided to retire, there is no equity difference between walking out tomorrow and three months from now. I did promise my boss that I would stay on for a few months to help close the year, but I am feeling more impatient about moving on.

I gave a tour last night for my niece and her boyfriend. They are sophomores at a local college, and they are very bright kids. We have also hired a lot of young people at work, and all of them are smarter than me. Sometimes I look back at the past forty years, and I wish I were more aware. It feels like I did not really have any plans in life, and stumbled to where I am now. I should have studied harder for the SAT, I should have worked harder in college and got better grades, I should have skipped my first master’s degree, I should have worked longer before getting my MBA degree, I should have been a better husband, I should have been more aggressive at my prior and current job, I should have spoken up more about the terrible management culture at work, and the list seems endless.

Since I am “only” fifty-five, I do feel sometimes that I am running away from responsibility instead of sticking it out for another ten years. I hope I do not regret this timing when I look back even later in life.