Impending Doom

I started posting here about four and a half years ago, and here is what I wrote:

It’s been almost two years since I started dialysis. I really don’t have anyone to talk to about the struggles of life with dialysis so I’m going to share with Internet strangers.

https://mybadkidney.wordpress.com/2019/06/23/welcome/

Since then, my physical quality of life has vastly improved after a bypass surgery and a kidney transplant. However, I am feeling more than ever that I need to see a therapist.

After my health struggles, I lost a lot of interest in work. What kept me going the past five years has been my relationships with both old and new coworkers. Being an introvert, each friendship means a great deal since I do not have that many. Therefore each time someone leaves, it feels like a punch in the gut. This is exaserbated by the fact that I am contemplating retirement.

I posted several times about my new work best friend and that she was let go from our compaany last week. Ever since then, I have felt an uneasiness and a sense of impending doom. The last time I felt this bad was when my wife of seven years divorced me. I am still in contact with my work friend, but once you are no longer coworkers, the level of interaction goes way down: no more quick texts on Microsoft Teams, no short walks in the factory, no sharing tea over coffee. My motivation to go to work, already low, is now practically nil. Of course this is all in my head, but it is hard to separate feelings from fact. I will have to adjust to loss once again.

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To the piece of shit that fired my friend, fuck you.

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The only other person that I blocked on Linkedin was someone form the old company that practically begged us for a job. After much difficulty, we did get a director level postion approved. Then the asshole use that offer to weasel a senior director position back at the old company. That was twelve years ago.

Backstabbers. Never forget, never forgive.