Not much has changed since the last update. My surgeon moved my appointment out to this coming Wednesday due to a schedule conflict. I have been using the bone stimulation machine daily but there is no way to tell if it is effective or even working at all. I have been sleeping both upstairs and downstairs depending on how I feel. I did have some visitors, including friends from my current church and old church.
Healthwise, I got blood tests done for my nephrologist and orthopedic surgeon. This coming week I have three doctor appointments and it was a bit of a challenge to arrange rides. I can drive, but I am concerned about limited disabled parking at the doctor’s offices, and charging since my home charger blew up. I am still experiencing all the panic attack anxiety symptoms and had the worst cold flash ever yesterday. The cast is now very loose, but still putting a lot of pressure on my upper ankle. The neuropathy seems worse than ever, adding to my discomfort.
Adding to all this is a growing feeling of jealousy towards people that can walk. From friends and family that visit, to people I see while out eating. The thought that I cannot get out of my mind is, “Why me?” I am not a bad person so why am I always suffering? Why do other people get to live normal lives while I cannot walk and have this possible catastrophic problem in the future? This of course triggers my anxiety, so all my symptoms get worse. I experienced the same thing after my divorce, after heart surgery, and during dialysis. I know it is a useless line of thought, but I cannot seem to stop it. I know this will get even worse during the summer as people go on vacation, so I am looking for a counseling coach or therapist through Lyra Health. They offer some mental health resources through my work’s heal insurance.
Life with chronic diseases 