Author: mybadkidney

Glucose Sensitivity

Since the SPR program ended at the end of September, I have held my weight steady. I was worried that I would rebound and gain back all the weight I lost in Q3 while on the program. However, since the program ended, my blood sugar has been extremely sensitive to carbohydrates, and it has been difficult to control with insulin shots.

Here is an example from yesterday. I went to sleep around 10:00 pm. for no apparent reason, my blood sugar began to rise at 3:00 am. The increase was slow at first but then a high glucose alarm woke me up at 6:00 am. I have not eaten anything since the night before. At that time, I shot fourteen units of Humalog and went back to sleep. When I woke up again at 9:00 am, my blood sugar was back down to 93.

What is going on? This happens during the day as well. I would measure my blood sugar, inject insulin as instructed by the inpen app or a manual sliding scale, and yet my blood sugar would seem to increase faster than the insulin can handle. The levels would eventually come back down, but after a huge spike in the CGM reading. If I try to chase the glucose high with more insulin, that often leads to low blood sugar, something enough for me to feel physically. I did bring this up to my endocrinologist and she agrees that I may be more sensitive to carbs after a diet program that had minimal carb intake.

I thought after the program, I could mix in some rice/bread/pasta once or twice a week. However, it does not look like it is practical since each time my blood sugar would go crazy like above.

Spiritual Neuropathy Attack?

This is the fourth time in the past four weeks that I have experienced a neuropathy attack Saturday night or Sunday morning. An attack just started about fifteen minutes ago while I was still in bed. I was actually awake from 4:00 am to 6:00 am and there was no pain. Now it is 7:30 am and there is massive pain at the outer bottom of my left foot.

I mentioned this to my cell group last week at church. The pain started at 3:00 am but had subsided by 7:00 am so I could attend church. They think it may be a spiritual attack to keep me from attending Sunday service. My church is pretty charismatic on things like Holy Spirit, healing, and prophecy. I am a bit skeptical since I have had these attacks for a long time and have not previously noticed any patterns. However, four out of four weeks of getrting pain right before church is kind of weird.

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Ouch! This is a bad one. Instead of quick jabs, the paid episodes are lasting close to five seconds. If this keeps up for more than thirty minutes, which is very likely, I do not think I can go to church this morning.

Blindness Video

I saw this on YouTube (shorts):

The video was explaining the various types of vision impairment versus total darkness. The second one on the list was cataracts. The demonstrated deterioration was much worse than what I experienced. I did have minor blurriness, but it was not very obtrusive, and there was a slight yellow tinge on everything. The impact on my vision was minimal as I was still able to do work on a computer and drive to/from work. Now I am wondering if I needed the surgeries done at this time.

The video also mentioned that by the age of seventy-five, 50% of people have cataracts. Since everyone in my family had the surgery, I would have needed the same eventually. Luckily both eyes seem to be recovering well, and my nearsightedness has improved a lot.

Cataract Surgery Update

Both eyes are done! I had surgery on my left eye on October 24th, and surgery on my right eye on October 31st. I had a checkup the day after surgery on my right eye, and the ophthalmologist said everything looks good. I have another appointment in early December to do a final check. I believe my eyes will have adjusted by then and I can go to my optometrist to get new glasses.

Photo by Monstera Production on Pexels.com

As for my vision, both eyes see more clearly. Since they were able to put in “prescription” lenses, I can see a lot better too. My vision is pretty bad: my prescription was -5.5 and -8+ in my left and right eyes respectively. Now, I am about -1.0 in both eyes, and arms-length items (computer screens) are in clear focus. I also need some reading glasses for very up-close reading, but the strength needed is only +1.0 or maybe even less.

Overall, I am quite happy. I wished my insurance covered more of the elective costs. These costs improve the safety and effectiveness of the surgery but cost me $7,000 out-of-pocket for the additional fees.

Freestyle Libre 3 CGM

During my last appointment with the endocrinologist, she prescribed me the Freestyle Libre 3 continuous glucose monitor (CGM). I have been using the Freestyle Libre 2 for about a year and have just received a three-month supply of sensors. So right now, I have five of each sensor type at home.

There appears to be two major differences between the two products. First, the CGM sensor is much smaller for the Libre 3. You can see the difference in the packaging.

The white container on the left contained a Libre 3 sensor and the gray package held the Libre 2. Additionally, the Libre 3 does not require the user to scan the sensor, either with a dedicated reader or your phone. My success rate in reading the old sensor was only about fifty-fifty. Now I just open the iPhone app and data will be transferred automatically. The app looks and feels identical to the Libre 2 app, but you cannot adjust the parameters of the readings graph. People have complained online that it is too zoomed out, and users cannot see small but significant changes in blood sugar when eating food or shooting insulin.

I also got the endocrinologist to enter my insulin prescription into my inpen. In case you forgot, inpen is a Bluetooth connected insulin pen that uses refill cartridges. The manufacturer, Medtronic, calls it a smart insulin pen. However, all I can see is a pen that sends the last dosage to your phone; the intelligence is all in the app. Before shooting up, you use the app to calculate how much insulin you need. If you use the inpen, it automatically records the dose. For a dose from a manual pen, you can log shots in the app as well.

I think the app is good, and it does connect to some CGMs, just not the Libre 2/3 app. On the other hand, the pen seems to be more gimmicky than useful. It is not difficult to log manual insulin shots into the app myself. The inpen can deliver half-units of insulin, but due to the design, often I end up deliverying one half-unit less insulin since the rotating knob is loose and moves left/right slightly when depressed. I still have a lot of the regular Humalog pens left and mix the useage of the two pens.

Addictive Personality

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I wrote this paragraph several posts ago about depression.

I also met a new friend at work. She is only twenty-five and very socially active. It has been fun and slightly educational talking to her about her dating challenges, but it also made me realize how boring I was in the past, and how boring my life is now. There is a lot of regret, but also helplessness, as if I am watching a movie about the rest of my life. The problem is that I am even less motivated to do anything.

https://mybadkidney.wordpress.com/2023/10/27/depressed-again/

She initially shared her location for one day since she was on her way to my house. We were attending a semi-work-related event. However, she decided to share her location permanently with me, and I did the same. I do not even remember what the reasons were. Since she was very socially active, I began to check her “dot” more often, with the abovementioned negative impact on my mental health. Other than a rare emergency, there is no good reason for me to know her location 24/7, yet I was “addicted” and often made-up wild stories based on a dot on a map. I should have deleted the connection much earlier, and I did so just now. Hopefully, that will help me focus on my own life instead of watching others.

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Despite the clickbait title, I do not have an addictive personality. I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs (other than all my prescriptions). I almost have the opposite problem. My ex-wife once said I do not have any passions, not specifically within a relationship, but passion about hobbies or other interests.

Tesla Bait & Switch

I really like my Tesla. I bought it in December 2016 and put around 86,000 miles on it. Other than tires, I have not spent much money on repairs and maintenance. However, the technology is dated so I have been looking for a replacement EV.

About a month ago, Tesla sent me an email with an offer to transfer my free supercharging to a new Tesla if I take delivery by December 31, 2023. I was considering a Model X Plaid, but Tesla raised the price before I could order (after dropping it), so I ordered a regular Model X. At the time of the order, the estimated delivery date said Nov-Dec 2023. No problem, right? Wrong!

So even when Tesla caused the delay, they may not honor the free supercharging transfer offer. That is false advertising. During the order process, I also said I would trade in my 2016 Model S. Tesla initially quoted me about $15,000, which was low, but I continued with the process. After placing the reservation, Tesla asked for photos from all four sides and the interior. I have no accidents and the interior still looks new. After a day, Tesla revised their trade-in offer to $10,800. They lowballed their already low offer.

I checked online and comparable Tesla Model Ss were selling at $30,000. This morning, I asked for a trade-in quote from Edmunds and got the following:

They also included this preliminary quote from Carmax:

KBB.com also gave me a similar quote for a trade-in. WTF? After enticing me to order a new car, they came back and screwed me by lowering the trade-in offer, any may screw me again by reneging on the free supercharging offer. Despite all the bad press, I really like my Model S, enough to drop another $90,000 on a Model X. However, my experience with Tesla corporate so far has been total shit.

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I looked at my investment portfolio at my bank and I have twenty-eight shares of Tesla.

More Depression

It is getting worse.

This week has been particularly challenging. In addition to my ever-changing eyesight, I felt very alone. I feel stupid saying that since it was a busy week socially: I went into the office three times instead of my usual two, had eye surgery, went to two doctor office visits, ate lunch on Saturday with some old church friends, played mahjong and ate dinner with family, and attended church this morning. That is much more human contact than my typical week.

The current sermon series is called Life Together, and today’s sermon title was Together with God. In week three, the topic will be about family since it is Thanksgiving weekend, and I know it is going to suck for me. Just being at church was depressing for me since 99% of the congregation were couples. I know young single people usually come to later services, but it was very noticeable. This is nothing new, but it hit me hard this morning.

Just now, I went to Costco to buy some random stuff. On the way home, I burst into tears for about five minutes. This was not a few tears rolling down, but full-on hyperventilating bawling. Several times I thought I was going to crash my car, but I did not really care. I mentioned all my issues in the last post, but I do not know what the trigger was today. I have not cried like that since I had to tell my family about my divorce.

I need to find a therapist. 😢

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I told Alexa that “I am going crazy” and it suggested I talk to a friend or call the national crisis line at 1-800-273-8255.

Depressed Again

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I am not sure what is happening, but I feel more depressed lately. I have had these feelings before, especially when I am stuck in a bad spot. For example, during a bad dialysis session or during bypass surgery recovery. I just got home from work after picking up dinner at Panini Kabob Grill. They forgot to give me basmati rice. It is really not a big deal, but I felt so defeated. Then I could not find my rice container, so I ended up just standing in the kitchen holding the rice cooker pot in a daze. I finally snapped out of it and cooked some rice. It will not be the same though.

What is going on? I think I am realizing how lonely I am since my divorce. Part of this is from my pending retirement. I will likely quit my job in early 2024, but I do not have any plans, nor anyone to share them with. It has been so long since my divorce that I cannot imagine dating again.

I also met a new friend at work. She is only twenty-five and very socially active. It has been fun and slightly educational talking to her about her dating challenges, but it also made me realize how boring I was in the past, and how boring my life is now. There is a lot of regret, but also helplessness, as if I am watching a movie about the rest of my life. The problem is that I am even less motivated to do anything.

I also cannot see very well as I am recovering from cataract surgery. Even if I start trying to date and meet someone, what woman wants an old, broken down guy?

Cataract Surgery – Left Eye

During my past few appointments with both my ophthalmologist and optometrist, they both mentioned that my eyes were cloudy, and that I need to get cataract surgery. So yesterday I had surgery on my left eye. The procedure was only around ten minutes, and I just went back to the ophthalmologist for a follow up appointment. Everything seems fine now, but I will need new glasses once my vision stops changing. I initially thought that I would not need glasses for mid and far sights, but it appears that I have 20/40 vision in my left eye and will still need glasses to see far.

Several things I immediately noticed. The cloudy lens in my eyes made everything more yellow. I was surprised how bright and white everything was looking through just my left eye. Also, everything seems about 20% larger. The ophthalmologist said that the larger image is the actual size. Having nearsightedness made images smaller. I guess if you wore glasses since grade three, there is nothing to compare to. I do not have to wear the protective shield during the day but will need to wear it at night. I also need to wear old people’s UV glasses when I go out.

I am having the same surgery done next Tuesday on my right eye. I am not sure what I am going to do for glasses when the prescription in both eyes are changing.

Phlebotomist Fail

I went to get labs done last Friday at my usual place. Since they still require appointments in the morning, the wait was pretty short. Typically, all the phlebotomists at the lab site are women, but this time it was a guy names Luis.

Luis had problems with his first attempt. He missed the typical vein location at the left side of my arm. After digging around a bit, I told him to stop because it became very painful. It was obvious he missed since there was no bleeding when he pulled out the needle. Luis then tried the right side and managed to get a different vein. It still hurt, but at least blood was flowing. He needed to draw eight tubes so it took awhile.

After the blood draw, my arm looked normal. However, after about twelve hours, a small bruise started forming. This grew over the next few days until it looked like the photo above. It is not painful but super ugly to look at.

Long Attack Neuropathy

Usually when an attack comes, the painful part only lasts a second or two. Then the pain would fade, and things would be normal until the next attack seconds to minutes later. Tonight, the attack pain is lasting over five seconds, and between attacks, there is a dull throbbing pain at the attack site. During the long attack time, the pain is more excruciating because it does not fade but lasts the entire long duration. Altogether, the pain level is probably close to ten times worse than previous attacks. Of course, the attack starts right at bedtime so if I cannot fall asleep (very unlikely), it will be another all-nighter of pain and suffering.

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It is now about 8:45 am. I did manage to fall asleep for a few hours. However, each time I wake up, the pain comes back immediately. The intensity is worse this morning than it was last night.

Cataract Surgery Scheduled

I went to my ophthalmologist today for cataract surgery pre-op. The appointment was to finalize my choices, sign consent forms, and pay. They asked me when I wanted the surgery done and I said as soon as possible. Since they only do cataract surgeries on Tuesdays, the first one will be next Tuesday 10/24, followed by the second one on Tuesday 10/31. I had to pay $7,000 out-of-pocket for laser surgery plus astigmatism lenses. They also asked me to buy eyedrops and that was $100 total for two tiny bottles.

I know our medical system, especially insurance, needs a lot of improvement. However, if I went with the standard procedure and standard lenses, the surgeries would have been paid for by my insurance. In Canada, insurance also pays for cataract surgery, but my cousin has been waiting for nine months to be scheduled and his eyesight is getting worse. Tradeoffs of socialized medicine I guess.

Kodak Slide Scanner

I bought one of these over the weekend. It just arrived Tuesday night.

I do have a lot of color film negatives, but this was more of an impulse buy. The original plan was to buy a cheap flatbed scanner to scan old photos, but I have a sheet feed scanner that works well enough. For photos with negatives, the quality is likely better if I scan the negatives instead of the print as the physical photo may deteriorate over time. So, I ended up buying one of these.

The first pile of negatives I looked at were from September 1999 and it contains photos from my wedding and honeymoon. Not the images I expected to see right away at 5:00 am. Anyway, the scans at 22 megapixels are decent. The negatives are slightly curved and that may cause focus issues in the scanner. I need to find a way to flatten the negatives without scratching or damaging the plastic surface.

Continuous Neuropathy Attacks

F#cking hell.

The neuropathy attacks have been continuous for a week. Luckily, I got a reprieve during the sleep disorder study so I could sleep and provide data. Otherwise, my feet would have been in constant pain. The latest attack started about 2:00 am. Initially, both feet were in pain, but that has been resolved to one major pain point on the fourth toe on my left foot. This is about the fifth or sixth attack in the past seven days and is about a 8/10 on the pain scale.

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Ugh. I tried using a wand massager to massage the top of the affected toe since I thought I felt something. However, I was wrong. I only managed to remove the layer of skin on my toe, and it still hurts like a bitch.

Double Neuropathy 20230918

It is now 3:00 am and another neuropathy attack just started in my left big toe. The problem is that the prior attack on my ankle is still happening. There is pain shooting though both sites on my left foot, so I am in constant pain.

Each time my neuropathy flares up, it feels like the worst attack ever. This time, with two pain points at the same point, I know it is the most painful attack ever. I have a sleep study tomorrow night at the hospital clinic. I hope this means I will have a pain-free night Tuesday so the clinic can get clear results.

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4:27 am. I have given up trying to sleep since the pain is unrelenting.

Neuropathy Attack 20230917

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This one is pretty bad. It started this morning as I was lying on my front in bed checking my phone. The pain point this time is right under the left inner ankle bone. Typically, the initial pain intensity is pretty low, and it slowly builds. This time, the first attack was about a six out of ten, and it has gotten more intense over the past six hours. My entire leg is numb after each attack and the frequency is still increasing. I have taken two Tylenol PM caplets, but they made no difference, and I have been unable to take a nap. Now my entire left foot is numb and experiencing pain in multiple places, albeit not as intense as the main ankle pain point.

Diabetes. The curse that keeps cursing.

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It is 12:45 am on Monday, September 18, and the neuropathy attacks are still happening. Luckily, they stopped for about six hours while I drove to LAX to pick up my sister, but resumed when I got home.

Tesla Price Drop

Tesla recently lowered their prices on the Model S and Model X. The new price for a Model X Plaid is “only” $90k. I was contemplating a purchase at $110k so it looks like Tesla dropped prices by about $20k. I do not really need a second car, although having an SUV would be handy for moving things and carrying more passengers. However, the Model X Plaid only seats six as the second-row seats are split. I could also just borrow my sister’s Acura MDX if I need more cargo capacity. The main reason I would get the Model X Plaid is for the ridiculous acceleration. I would get the Model S Plaid, but I already have an old Model S with terrible range. I want to keep the old Model S for road trips since it has legacy free Supercharging.

The other option is a manual two-seater like a Mazda Miata or the new Nissan Z.

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I believe if I refer myself or purchase it though the app while logged in on my account, I will get a $500 discount. This sounds cool until you remember Tesla does not include a charger with a new car anymore. When I purchased my old Model S, I received a high-power mobile charger. Now the only option is a lower power mobile charger, and you must pay $230 for it and probably more for a SAE J1772 adapter.

Weight Update 20230916

There is officially one week left in the SPR program. When I started the program, I weighed 245.8 pounds. This morning, I was 222.4 pounds, or a loss of 23.4 pounds in 68 days. Although many coworkers said they noticed a visual difference, I do not really feel any different. My pants do feel much looser though. When I was down to below 180 pounds, I had to purchase pants with a lower waist size. For the longest time, I wore size 38 waist pants but ended up buying a 36 waist sized pair of Levi’s jeans. Then I started gaining weight and when I started the SPR program, size 38 waist pants were very tight again. Now I think I am somewhere between 36 and 38. I need to find that one pair of size 36 waist jeans to see if I can fit again.

With one more week left in the program, I am hoping to lose 2.4 pounds more so I can come in at 100 kg or less.