Faith

I’ve thought about this post for a long time. It’s one of the main reasons I started this blog thing.

I’ve been going to church (on and off) for almost 30 years. At my first church, I served a lot. I led bible studies and small groups, taught Sunday School to adults and kids, helped out with Youth Group, led worship, and even became a Deacon for a few years. This continued when I moved and switched churches, mainly running the sound equipment and playing bass. There were also several years where I didn’t go to church at all.

About three and a half ago, I started attending my current church. It’s mainly Korean American (English services) and there’s about 800 adults each Sunday. From the outside, it looks like many churches I’ve attended in the past. In comparison though, my current church is fairly charismatic; there is a big focus on the Holy Spirit, prophecy, speaking in tongues, and especially healing. It’s a very different environment from what I’m used to.

I joined a small group when I first started attend this church. At the time, I was just becoming aware of my kidney issues. I shared a lot regarding my medical issues and there was a lot of prayer. There were several times during Friday night prayer and Sunday service where the pastor called me up to the stage, and had the entire church lay hands and pray for healing. He has even come to my house to talk to me about healing and to pray one-on-one.

Even though I’ve served for many years at different churches, I’ll be the first to admit that my faith is not that strong. I don’t pray regularly and treated church like another job. During one of the Friday night prayer meetings, the pastor asked me to stand (along with a few others), and other church members surrounded me to pray. I remember after about five minutes, he asked me if I felt anything. I said no, and he asked everyone to keep praying. What?! Eventually everyone sat down but I was pretty confused. Having only read stories about healing, I wasn’t sure what to expect. There was no healing that night (or later), and I began dialysis a few months later.

What do I make of this? There are many stories of healing in the Bible. Matthew 9:20-22 (ESV) says:

²⁰ And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, ²¹ for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” ²² Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well.

Is my faith not strong enough? Is the faith of the congregation not strong enough? Jesus said very clearly to the woman that her faith has made her well. There is a sermon on healing this weekend and the church has invited some special guest to talk about healing and revival. Several church members have told me that I should attend. Of course I’ll attend but do I need to go fully expecting to be healed? What if nothing happens again? In the verses above, the healing is physical. Is that what I need most?