Live Donor

I’m not even 100% sure how I feel much less what to write but I’m getting more and more bitter everyday, especially with the news that I may need to return to hemodialysis. When I walk by people complaining about random stuff at work, my first thought is, “Well, at least you have working kidneys.” I hate that I have these thoughts.

You look back in your life and think, “I must have impacted more than 2 people positively.” I used to donate blood pretty regularly and signed up as a bone marrow donor. I definitively would donate a kidney to a family member but really don’t know how I would react to each acquaintance.

For example, my sister is going to a large family reunion in Canada next week. I would go if I could travel. I’m pretty sure someone will ask where I am. Sure it’s pretty lame to ask for a kidney donation so I can travel; but what about to stay alive? What if I had died and one out of the 40 relatives at the reunion could have saved me with a donation?

One of my church cell group members volunteered to donate awhile ago. He’s the wrong blood type so I didn’t pursue it. I was also in shock that a non-family member would think about volunteering. But he’s the only one at a church of 800+. There has been many prayer sessions with the entire congregation, and each time I go, people come up to me to say they will pray for me. I’m sure they are all very sincere and believe that their prayers will do something but the cynical side of me thinks that “prayer is cheap.” I’m guilty of this too. I sometimes pray for things in situations where I can actually do something to help but decided it wasn’t worth the effort, probably nothing a large as an organ donation. But still, part of the reason I’ve stopped going to church is that I have to update everyone that I see in return for some well wishes and promise of prayer.

Sigh… I know donating a kidney is a BIG DEAL. I’m already surprised my high-school friend has been so persistent in donating. Of course there are no expectations; how do you ask or guilt someone into giving you an organ? But slowly I’m accepting that I may end up dying in a crowd of family of friends that basically is doing nothing.